We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
