omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize