I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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