lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
