I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
