You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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