So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
