It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
