It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
