Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
