No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
