i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
