When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
