Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
