so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
