morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
