i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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