I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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