Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
