its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
