I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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