I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
bring money and cleavage
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
