Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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