two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
