So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
