that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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