wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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