i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
