summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
