He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
