but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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