You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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