so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize