next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
