You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
