the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
