I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
