Acid is not a monday night drug
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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