Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
