i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
