Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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