Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
