I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize