We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
