I just threw up on my dentist
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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