just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
time to smoke my breakfast
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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