i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
