The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
