i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
