Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
