tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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