i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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