What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
