my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
