This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
