If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
