i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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