well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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