she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
