guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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