I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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