I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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