Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
