I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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