I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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