a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
