While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Welp...herpes.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
