thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
