hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
