Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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