just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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